Do I Have to Get Her a Valentine's Day Gift?

It’s that dreaded (or exciting) time of year again. The stores are filling with red and pink décor and it appears everybody around you is in love. You have been dating somebody for a little while now or you want to be dating her, but you aren’t sure whether you need to get a Valentine’s Day gift for her. It can be a complicated time of year to be in a new relationship. Having gone through that myself, I want to give some clarifying advice of whether or not you need to get her a gift. Now, this is merely a guide, you know your girl best, if you feel that she would be hurt, disappointed, or is expecting a gift, you should always at least get her something small so that she won't be hurt this Valentine's Day. So without further ado, here are the questions you need to ask yourself this loving season about whether getting her a gift is necessary.

 Should I Get Her Something for Valentine's Day?


Some Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. Have You Met the Parents?

2. How Long Have You Been Dating?

3. Have You Had "The Talk"?

4. Is She a Rebound or a Serious Commitment?

5. Do You Want To Continue a Relationship With Her?


  1. Have You Met the Parents?

This question is one of the quickest ways to find out if you are on the same page and whether it is required of you to give a gift this valentine’s day season. Often, women who don’t want a serious relationship or are new in a relationship will not introduce you to their parents. By not introducing you to her parents it shows that she doesn't know if you are somebody who will be sticking around and it also helps her to avoid awkward family discussions if the relationship is terminated later on.

This on the other hand means if you HAVE met the parents, it is likely expected of you to get her a gift for this Valentine’s Day. It shows that she is at least interested in you enough to have you meet her family and that she considers you to be a serious part of her life. That doesn’t mean that you have to get her something huge and elaborate, but rather get her a personalized gift crate that she is going to adore.  

  1. How long have you been dating?

This is a key factor to whether or not you need to get her a Valentine’s Day gift. If you have been dating 2 years, guess what, you are going to have to get her a gift. But it gets more complicated if you have been together for a short amount of time. (Had your first kiss yesterday? Yeah that gets confusing).

Relationships don’t always follow the same timeline. For some people, it may take a year of on and off dating before you are finally in an “official” relationship. For others, they go from dating to married in 6 weeks. No matter the speed of your relationship, the general rule of thumb is that if you are exclusively dating or have been together for more than a few weeks you are going to need to get her a gift this holiday season. However, often the length of the relationship relates to the grandeur of the gift. Getting her new airpods? You most likely haven’t been dating a week or two. If you are in a new relationship think about keeping it simple with an easy gift (such as a teddy bear, love note, inside joke, or more).

  1. Have you had “the talk” ?

No, I'm not talking about the birds and the bees. I'm talking about the talk where you discuss what type of relationship you want and if you are exclusive. This question should always be in the forefront of your mind when thinking about giving her a Valentine's Day gift. If you have had the talk about being in a committed relationship you MUST get her a gift, simple as that.

It gets more complicated when you have not had the talk and Valentine's Day is approaching. You don't want to speed up the nature of your relationship by asking her a week before Valentine's Day if you are exclusive, but you also don't want to look foolish if you choose not to give her a Valentine's Day gift and she ends up giving you one! 

A great rule of thumb is that if you want to give her a gift then just do it. Whether it's an inside joke, or a personalized gift that she will love, no gift goes unappreciated. Just be aware that it could potentially force "the talk" to happen sooner as she will be wondering if you are "boyfriend" material. If you don't want to give her a gift and you haven't had "the talk" then you are in the clear as you have not committed to her and she should not be expecting a gift from you. 

  1. Is She a Rebound or a Serious Commitment?

It may seem fairly obvious, but to some people they need a reminder. Is this a relationship that you see yourself with long term? How embarrassing would it be if you didn't give her a gift and then somewhere down the road got married and she is telling the story of how you didn't even give her a gift on your first Valentine's Day together. Trust me, that is not the impression you want to leave long-term, get her a gift.

However, if this is somebody that you likely won't be keeping around for very long a gift may not be necessary if you are planning on losing her in the next few months. HOWEVER (Big however), if SHE doesn't know that this is a temporary thing, BE KIND AND GET HER A GIFT. If you are moving or have talked about how this is a short-term relationship in some way, it's fine not to get her a gift. If she doesn't know that you are planning on making this a short term thing, get her a small box of chocolates or something simple so she doesn't feel used after the relationship is over. 

  1. Has she given YOU a gift?

Like before, this one should be a no-brainer. If somebody gives you a gift, the proper and polite thing to do is to give her a gift back. It is also important to get her a gift of equal or greater value. If she gives you a new hydro flask  (this one is about $30 dollars), you should plan to give her something equivalent. If you are looking for great gift ideas check out  for some great gifts for her.

    5. Do You Want To Continue a Relationship With Her?

This one is going to require some self-reflection. Whether you have been dating her for a week or a year, it is important to occasionally reflect and say to yourself "Is this somebody that I want to spend the rest of my life with?". Valentine's Day is never the right day to break up with a woman, ever. Under no circumstances would I recommend that. However, as the holiday get's closer, take a second and think to yourself about whether you want to continue this relationship. If it is something that you want to end, I encourage breaking up with her before the holiday and apologizing about the timing. 

If this is a relationship you DO want to continue, absolutely get her a gift. If you aren't sure if she is on the same page and if you are wanting the same things give her a gift and see how she reacts. This can help bring up the conversation of whether you want to be together long-term. You don't need to spend hundreds of dollars on her, maybe take her out to a movie and dinner and tell her how you feel. 


In Summary:

Life is too short to worry about whether or not to give somebody a gift. If you see something she might like, or want to pursue the relationship further, absolutely get her a Valentine's Day gift she will love. If you are worried about getting her a gift and aren't sure about whether it's time to talk about where the relationship is going, follow the steps above and decide if you need to get a gift for her. Above all you know her best, if you have any doubts in your mind, get her a simple gift that she will love and see how things go. 

July 21, 2021 — Morgan Falevai

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